finding myself

Today I went to a seminar titled The Indispensible Assistant. It was at the Grand McKinley Hotel. This is a seminar that I asked to go to. I learned a lot of useful information, ways to better manage my time, ways to say no to projects when swamped, how to talk to the boss, how to be more productive, amongst many others. The speaker, Gwendolyn Hawks-Blue, also talked about how we, women, are empowered. I went to this seminar thinking that it would bring a lot of good ideas back to the office with me, however, I walked away with a new meaning for myself.

One of the biggest comments that stuck out to me was from the beginning of the day. "I am the only person responsible for myself." This was a big point throughout the day from trying to control the uncontrolable at work whether it's other people or tasks at hand, to deciding how I am going to react to a situation. It is up to me if I'm going to be happy. I am the one that can change the outlook for me and if I'm unhappy in a situation that I can change then I need to be the one to change it. Whether it's changing jobs, taking a different route to work, shopping at a different time, confronting someone in a tactful way or just saying no when I really can't do something. We did a little visual thing where we closed our eyes and looked at ourselves down the road. Seeing our success if we become the person we want to be with the career and family and home that we dream of. There is a study that was done and they found that the brain cannot distinguish between doing something and just thinking about it, so if you are always thinking about your future success and taking action to gain that life, you can become that.

I am going to write a mission statement for my life and I am going to start taking the steps necessary to become the person that I want to be. I want to work at home, but that can only happen if I research it and start planning for it. By sitting back and waiting for that job to come to me, I am getting no where. I have to go after what I want and be intentional about getting there. So yes, you are going to see a more assertive version of me, a version who isn't afraid to speak up and say how she feels about things.

More later, I just thought that I would give an update. I'm also going to get back into the exercise routine, I kind of gave up if you all hadn't noticed yet, but I'm getting back to it for myself.

Happy Easter!

Today is Easter! I took a ton of pictures at grandma's house, but I really don't feel like upgrading right now. I've been working on getting the house cleaned up and it's gone well, but now that I can sit down and scrapbook...I'm blocked! I'm just worn out and tired, but I guess I should probably update you all on my biopsy results.

My doctor said she couldn't tell if there were more cells or not, but that the level of the cells that are there are still at a level 1. It hasn't progressed at a rate that should make us alarmed. This was good news. She also told me that if she were to do the procedure it could, and most likely would, lead to pre-term labor in future pregnancies. Because I am only 21 and Mike and I plan to have another child down the road, she is not comfortable taking this risk right now. She said that sometimes it takes 18 to 24 months for the pre-cancerous cells to clear on their own, so she wants to take another look in October. This will be 24 months in this long journey that I've been on since detection of the cells in 2007. I'm praying for them to clear up on their own, but I'm not God, and I don't really have a say in His work. It will be whatever God wants it to be, and I trust in Him to get through everything. My life is in His hands!

Lately I've put a lot of thought into another child. I do want to have another one and the more I've thought about it the sooner I want to have one. However when I think about it, I want to get a house and be settled in before I think about another baby in the house. Anyway, I think I'm going to head on to bed, back to work tomorrow!