What If...?

Normally I'm not the kind of person to sit and think about the "what if"s of life. It just tends to lead to discontentment and makes us think about what could have been. However this morning's sermon Dwight gave on What If really got me thinking. His point is to get us to think BIG and go to God for something BIG that we are passionate about and not to give up on it. So, before I got to the BIG part I just started thinking about "what if". The past year and a half have been radical in my life.

1. I started working a lot more and was depressed that the church I grew up at was falling apart, there weren't many people there anymore and I hated the fact that everyone that I was knew and loved were pretty much gone...so I almost completely quit going to church and just blamed it on the fact that I worked midnights and needed to get some rest.

2. I met Mike and fell in love...because my family is very big in the church, I invited Him to go with me, he went willingly and saw it as another opportunity to spend time with me.

3. I got engaged to Mike...I was settling down and starting a new life...marriage was truly in my future and my dreams reached for the sky.

4. I got pregnant...my whole world was coming uprooted and I didn't know what to do. This was not a part of my plan and I had no idea what God could have in store with this circumstance. All I knew was that it was about a month until I turned 20, I wasn't ready for this, I was scared to death...most afraid of talking to my parents...I knew that this was not a part of their plan either.

5. I got married...planned the wedding in a month. It was a very stressful month, but we pulled it off, had a beautiful outdoor wedding, I wore my dress from senior homecoming, Pretty in Pink is the title that sums up my wedding pictures. I was sick and exhausted with the pregnancy and we pretty much quit going to church, I just wasn't up to it, and I was kind of trying to hide from God.

6. Jocelyn was born...it was the happiest moment of my life next to my wedding day, and the start of something completely new. We were living in our upstairs apartment and I had to have an emergency C-section...more fear... so when we came home we lived with my grandma in her ranch home for a few weeks. I kept putting of the date to go home because I really enjoyed being with grandma, especially since I wasn't working, it was nice to have her to talk to and share my time with. She encouraged us to go to church the week after Jocelyn came home, but I still wasn't happy there...we were the only young couple, not to mention the only couple with a baby...but where else could we go?

7. Easter Sunday...we went to Mike's sister's house after dinner at grandma's, she and her family had just started going to New Pointe a few weeks prior and when I shared how discouraged we were at the church I grew up in, she shared a bulletin with us and told us how amazing this church was. We went the next week and I wasn't sure, but Dwight greeted us in the foyer before service. We went back the next week...Dwight greeted us again, but I still wasn't sure, I just didn't think that this church could ever feel like home, but that week was First Wednesday so I told Mike that we would give Wednesday a shot, but I really just wasn't sure about this. Wednesday I knew there would be fewer people and I said I would see how it went. I was moved to tears that night, I can't tell you exactly what that night's topic was, but I was amazed at the way God moved at this church, but I still said I didn't think it would ever be as personal as the church I grew up in. That night as we were leaving service, Dwight met us on our way out, shook our hands and told us that he was really glad to see us there that night. It just hit me all at once that this was like home already, it was so welcoming, I had just been resistant because it was different. I'm so happy that we found New Pointe.

So WHAT IF I hadn't started dating Mike and come back to church? WHAT IF I had gotten pregnant before I got engaged? WHAT IF I had made different decisions after I found out I was pregnant? WHAT IF there had been different complications with the pregnancy? WHAT IF something had happened to Jocelyn and we never got to hold her in our arms? WHAT IF I didn't have a husband at all and I was left to raise a baby by myself?

There are a million what ifs out there, but when it all comes down to it, I could have ended up a single mother at the age of 20...I could be lost, not knowing where I would go if something happened to me, out in the streets, just hoping to survive the night. I could be living a completely different lifestyle that isn't fulfilling in the least... but I don't.

My BIG thought and prayer for 2009 is for God to give me the single mother's of the area...whether it's just putting care packages together...or being a mentor...or just being a friend...the possibilities are endless with God and I want Him to work through me. The new year's resolutions are the norm...lose weight, get out of debt...but it's time to step out of the box and do something worthwhile! In 2009 we WILL get out of debt...and we WILL pray for BIG things...may the Lord use us in ways that we have never imagined before. May I move a mountain with God's help.

Lord, give me the single mother's, let me be a light in this world to lead them to you, because whether they had a rough beginning as a mother, or they are already years into it, you love them, and it's time someone showed them that kind of love coming from a person they don't even know.